If Rap Songs Were Grammar Class

So I came up with a few "appropriate" versions of popular rap verses. Enjoy it god dammit! :)

"Milkshake" by Kelis

ORIGINAL LYRICS

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

And they're like, it's better than yours

Damn right, it's better than yours

I could teach you, but I have to charge

NEW LYRICS

My frozen dairy treat brings all of the male gender to the grassy area in front of my residence.

They say it is superior to yours.

Yes, they are correct. It is superior to yours.

I could share this knowledge with you, but you'd have to pay a fee.

Or how about this one:

"Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake

ORIGINAL LYRICS

I'm bringing sexy back

The other boys don't know how to act

I think it's special what's behind your back

So turn around, I'll pick up the slack

NEW LYRICS

I'm making attractiveness "in" again.

The other members of my gender are not quite sure how to respond.

I am fond of what you are hiding behind you.

So please, turn around and I will gladly take what is there.

Last one (the title isn't even grammatically correct!):

"The Way I Are" by Timbaland

ORIGINAL LYRICS:

I ain't got no money

I ain't got no car to take you on a date

I can't even buy you flowers

But together we can be the perfect soul mates

Talk to me girl

NEW LYRICS:

I'm sorry, but I am out of cash at the moment.

I also do not have a motorized vehicle to take you somewhere.

I'm also sorry to mention I am not able to pick up a bouquet of roses for you.

But if you would be willing to be my significant other we could be ideal together.

And call me when you have a second.

I should send this to my english teacher.