I'm writing a book. We Like Fiction: 11 Short Stories About My Brain. Here's the first draft of the first story.
The Gravity Fairy: Scientific Irony
There has been some evidence regarding The Gravity Fairy. The Gravity Fairy isn't so much a fragment of our imagination, but a combination of irony and myths. You see, gravity is the force in which things fall. As we know from prior knowledge, fairies usually float in mid-air either by magic or wings. Even though wings help you fly, you don't technically stay in mid-air for long periods of time. If you ever see this fairy, whether it bee on TV, in a movie, or made up by your science teacher, report this instance to your local county sheriff. Now, you're probably asking yourself, "what the hell is a gravity fairy and why is this guy talking about him?" Well, there is a flaw in your question. The Gravity Fairy is neither male or female. The Gravity Fairy is a hermaphroditic dragon who loves Rush and Prince and High School Musical 4: Decapitation Education. It is a known fact that The Gravity Fairy was created by an Italian scientist named Tobor Noisavni. His lab was located directly under the Eiffel Tower, and was about the size of the Caesar's Palace hotel in Las Vegas. He spent most of his days trying to figure out the best cheat codes for all games fourth in its series. Grand Theft Auto IV, Metal Gear Solid IV, Guitar Hero IV, Resident Evil IV, Final Fantasy IV, and his personal favorite, Monkey Shooter 4000 IV. So what was the reason for The Gravity Fairy's creation? Tobor was watching a special called Galileo: The Man Behind The Balls. Tobor thought this special was incredibly misleading, but he watched the rest of it anyway. He learned that gravity was not only his favorite scientific element, but now his favorite word. Even though he had enough information, Tobor wanted to get a different take on it. He went out to Circuit City and bought a CD by Eddukashun, the popular rap group lead by Lil' Leo and MC Squared. The opening track, Forcin' Me To Be Free (Fall), inspired Tobor to create The Gravity Fairy. Tobor may have been an excellent scientist, but he needed some materials to make this creature. He needed a great amount of things: Cough syrup, iodine, lye, matchbook strike pads, muriatric acid paint thinners, hydrogen peroxide, PH strips, PVC pipes, and some fuel cans. He would have bought some imodium, but he felt it wasn't necessary. Tobor brought these materials back to his lab and spent approximately 9 hours, or Q 1/2 minutes, on this project. About 12 minutes after he was finished, The Gravity Fairy emerged from the cloud of smoke rising from the test tube. It started flying around his lab, going absolutely insane. He still has to take out some of the bugs. Tbor was chasing The Gravity Fairy for about 17 seconds before he trapped it in a jar. Angered by his failed hard work, he called up his friend Charlie Jones, also known as DJ Killafoshizza on MTV's Rap-ternoons. Charlie told him that to make sure The Gravity Fairy does not go completely insane again, you must say the "magic words (which happened to be French):" D'neirf L'rig Á Déen Í Edud. After saying these words, it seemed The Gravity Fairy calmed down quite a bit. But that was just the beginning. No one quite knows what happened to Tobor, Charlie, or The Gravity Fairy after that. Some people say that The Gravity Fairy married The Scratch Goblin, a goblin who gives you strange scratch marks in your sleep, and moved to Afcalistan. If you see any of the four characters you just read about, contact 1-234-567-8910 immediately.PARTS II-XI
II: How To Properly Crucify A Fly Prior To Its Viking Funeral
III: The Sketchy Side Of Town Whose Local Celebrity Is Jesus
IV: Happy Holla-days
V: Retards - A Story By Kurtt Easterplain
VI: RSI: Rhyme Scheme Infestation
VII: The Most Grammatically Correct IM Conversation Ever That Goes Where You Don't Expect It To
VIII: Stoning The Cities
XI: Mechanical Rooster
X: A Good Day For Germany
XI: The Unauthorized Diary Of Bobthaniel Eburstork
