2008 Presidential Teams I'd Like To See: Democrats (w/ occasional slogans)

Batman/Robin '08

J/2 Dope '08

Guy/Rusty '08

Terminator/Robocop '08

Black/White '08 "The Jacks Are In The Presidential Deck"

Stewart/Colbert '08

Folds/Messner '08

Urine/Righ? '08

Letterman/O'Brien '08

Belichick/Favre '08 "Football Ain't The Only Thing We're Good At"

Check out the Republican list tomorrow and Democrats II on Thursday.

27 Atilla The Hun Jokes Which Include 16 That Don't Work So Well

What do you call Atilla in a race? Atilla The Run

What do you call Atilla when he goes religious? Atilla The Nun

What do you call Atilla when he gets disintegrated? Atilla The Done

What do you call Atilla when he becomes a comedian? Atilla The Pun

What do you call Atilla when he becomes a rapper? Atilla The Crunk

What do you call Atilla when he has sinned? Atilla The Shunned

What do you call Atilla when he moderates a daycare center? Atilla The Fun

What do you call Atilla's child? Atilla The Son

What do you call Atilla when he's in the sky? Atilla The Sun

What do you call Atilla when he bakes delicious pastries? Atilla The Bun

What do you call Atilla when he can't make up his mind? Atilla The Um

What do you call Atilla when he's drunk? Atilla The Rum

What do you call Atilla when he joins the Jonas Brothers? Atilla The C**t

What do you call Atilla when he joins Metallica? Atilla The One

What do you call Atilla in a galaxy far, far away? Atilla The Hut

What do you call Atilla when he's invisible? Atilla The None

What do you call Atilla when he's a cookie? Atilla The Crumb

What do you call Atilla when he's out in the cold? Atilla The Numb

What do you call Atilla when he looks at his hand? Atilla The Thumb

What do you call Atilla when he's stupid? Atilla The Dumb

What do you call Atilla when he becomes homeless? Atilla The Bum

What do you call Atilla when he becomes a math teacher? Atilla The Sum

What do you call Atilla when he makes fruit? Atilla The Plum

What do you call Atilla when he becomes a British mother? Atilla The Mum

What do you call Atilla when he does a Pepto-Bismol ad? Atilla The Tum

What do you call Atilla when he goes to the bathroom? Atilla The Dung

What do you call Atilla when he becomes a bell? Atilla The Rung

Every Day Is Just Another Punch In The Face / Assholes, Beware!

Fuck, procrastination is a bitch ain't it? You wake up, go to work, come home, grab a beer and fuck around for a few hours until you wake up the next morning with every feature of your body fucked up and nothing accomplished. You wasted dollars among dollars on useless crap and your computer is unexaggeratedly screwed up and you can barely use it. Society is laughing at you and so is all of the female gender. You remember back in school when it was simple a simple time where if you fucked something up your teacher would just say "Oh, sweetie it's ok. Just say you're sorry and don't do it again." You miss an assignment at work and it's "What the fuck happened?! One more instance like this and you're fired!!!" In other news, ,ore than 50% of metal sucks. All these guys are trying to sound all heavy and dark and ominous and shit. Just because you say "death" 400 times in your song doesn't mean you're metal. In this instance, I'm in another band. A metal band unlike any other. Diablo Immortica, the metal band whose songs are unlike any other metal songs and whose lyrics will maybe just give you a headache. Blowing your mind is too dark. Now, we still do talk about metal-type stuff, just not as much as other bands. And we can assure you Diablo Immortica is a kickass metal band name. Right up there with Dying Fetus. (No offense - they fuckin' rule.)

Saturday Night Calls For Artistic Genius

It's Saturday. Night. Past 7PM. I just spent the last two hours playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl with a couple of my friends. And now I'm here blogging. You're probably asking yourself (or maybe not) "Don't you have a girlfriend you could be with or something like that?" Good joke. Anyway, this a short story. If it sucks to you it doesn't matter. I wrote it.

"It must have been around midnight when it happened. I was running through the streets when I saw this jewelry store. Very ciché I thought, but I had to. Shiny diamonds get me off. Anyway, I just broke through the glass, grabbing as much as I could. Every jewel in the entire store. Millions of dollars worth of luxuries. And then they came. The cops, everywhere I could see. Chasing me in one direction after another. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran straight through the cops, quarterback style. I ran until I couldn't run anymore. Then they had me. Handcuffed and tazed. And now I'm here"

"Erm...you do realize you're trying not to get sent to jail, correct?"

"Yes your honor"